Our baby is due March 6th. So after 8 years of trying to conceive, 3 miscarriages and many tears shed, we have just 6 more months! And yes I totally have a day countdown (198) and yes I keep waking up at night thinking about our birthmother and our baby. I am so grateful to this amazing woman who is perfectly demonstrating selfless love and blessing us with our baby.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Better not be foolin!
Wow I can't believe we are already saying this but we have a birthmother! We are so thrilled. Its surreal though. The following clip perfectly showcases how we feel (despite the crummy quality). Ok so we are Lloyd and our birthmother and the prospect of getting a baby is Harry.
"Better not be foolin!" keeps going through my head. We felt an instant connection to our sweet birthmother. It was just like other times in our life together when we were facing some big life change: if it was right it was just so easy and seamless. Its not like we get a heavenly memo confirming that what we were doing was correct but we do feel a peace and ease that is an unmistakable communication of the Spirit. And so it was the same on Thursday when we met our birthmother. Of course there were some anxious feelings. We worried that she wouldn't like us in person, or that we wouldn't know what to say or not to say. I'm sure she was just as nervous, probably more. We exchanged numbers and have been texting and getting to know each other a bit better. Its dorky but we are so excited that each text is a gem to us. It just makes it real.
Our baby is due March 6th. So after 8 years of trying to conceive, 3 miscarriages and many tears shed, we have just 6 more months! And yes I totally have a day countdown (198) and yes I keep waking up at night thinking about our birthmother and our baby. I am so grateful to this amazing woman who is perfectly demonstrating selfless love and blessing us with our baby.
Our baby is due March 6th. So after 8 years of trying to conceive, 3 miscarriages and many tears shed, we have just 6 more months! And yes I totally have a day countdown (198) and yes I keep waking up at night thinking about our birthmother and our baby. I am so grateful to this amazing woman who is perfectly demonstrating selfless love and blessing us with our baby.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
We're certified and Bonnie has a story...
What a good feeling to have made our way from being the sad infertile couple without any clue of what to do, to being the happy infertile couple on the road to our baby. We have our certification and are now in finding mode, getting our names out there so we can meet our birth mother and build our family.
I had a thought the other night while laying in bed. For some reason, a picture was painted in my mind. I saw a road made of bricks (and yes they are yellow). So, I have a yellow brick road and it changed as it went along. In the beginning, the road was overgrown with vegetation. It was uneven and bumpy. Bricks were missing and broken in several places. The color of the bricks should have been a vibrant golden yellow but was dull, scuffed and chipped. The atmosphere surrounding the road was dark and close.
Then the bumps began to smooth somewhat. The grass and weeds on the shoulder became more tame, not quite as tall and wild. The yellow bricks were still chipped but the color was brighter and more cheery. Light filtered in on the road to give more illumination. Fewer bricks were missing from the layout.
Again the road changed. The grade evened out close to perfection. No bumps or dips. There were no missing bricks. Everything was aligned and straight. The shoulders of the road were adorned with flowers of every color and short green grass. The sun shone bright, mirrored by the sheen of the brilliant yellow bricks.
Now here is my analogy. I'm not traveling this road...I am the road. At times I am in disrepair and need maintenance big time. The only way to get the road fixed up it to call upon the best repairman around, my Savior Jesus Christ. He smooths out my rough patches, shines light upon my life and brings out the true beauty in me. The atonement is infinite and is real.
I have seen this transformation in my life many times. And I (like all of us) go from my ideal state back to the shabbiness and darkness often. But I KNOW that I can make my way back through my Savior's atonement. So much is learned through trials and this is one thing that I have been so grateful to have brought to my attention. I am so much happier when I stay close to my Savior and Father in Heaven. Trials are lighter and I see the service that I can be to others when I am in "good repair".
I had a thought the other night while laying in bed. For some reason, a picture was painted in my mind. I saw a road made of bricks (and yes they are yellow). So, I have a yellow brick road and it changed as it went along. In the beginning, the road was overgrown with vegetation. It was uneven and bumpy. Bricks were missing and broken in several places. The color of the bricks should have been a vibrant golden yellow but was dull, scuffed and chipped. The atmosphere surrounding the road was dark and close.
Then the bumps began to smooth somewhat. The grass and weeds on the shoulder became more tame, not quite as tall and wild. The yellow bricks were still chipped but the color was brighter and more cheery. Light filtered in on the road to give more illumination. Fewer bricks were missing from the layout.
Again the road changed. The grade evened out close to perfection. No bumps or dips. There were no missing bricks. Everything was aligned and straight. The shoulders of the road were adorned with flowers of every color and short green grass. The sun shone bright, mirrored by the sheen of the brilliant yellow bricks.
Now here is my analogy. I'm not traveling this road...I am the road. At times I am in disrepair and need maintenance big time. The only way to get the road fixed up it to call upon the best repairman around, my Savior Jesus Christ. He smooths out my rough patches, shines light upon my life and brings out the true beauty in me. The atonement is infinite and is real.
I have seen this transformation in my life many times. And I (like all of us) go from my ideal state back to the shabbiness and darkness often. But I KNOW that I can make my way back through my Savior's atonement. So much is learned through trials and this is one thing that I have been so grateful to have brought to my attention. I am so much happier when I stay close to my Savior and Father in Heaven. Trials are lighter and I see the service that I can be to others when I am in "good repair".
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Where is the fast forward button?
I just want to fast forward life! I'm so super excited to adopt. I have been looking at baby stuff online like crazy. And I am going to do a baby registry soon because darn it, I have been waiting eight flipping years!
I realized recently that as a coping method, I had fought the feelings of longing that I have when I see babies (or baby stuff) or think about being a mother. For a while I just chose to ignore those thoughts because of the subsequent aching that occurred. I am only in the beginning stages of our adoption story but it has already been a balm to me. I am able to feel excited and let myself experience longing for motherhood without reservation because I am on my road to being a mother.
Infertility is such roller coaster. I am proud of myself because of how far I've come. At the beginning of my marriage, my sister Amber had called me to tell me that she was pregnant. I was at work and as soon as she told me, I broke into tears and had to go outside for some privacy. I don't know why I cried. I wasn't unhappy for her. I surely wanted her to have her family. My response was such a surprise to me. My sweet sister has been so tender to me in respect to my infertility and when she called me that day, she was more concerned with my feelings than her exciting news. Thankfully Amber is an angel and didn't get offended by my extremely emotional response. But that experience was just a stepping stone in the process of accepting my infertility. David and I have had to grieve because of the loss that we have felt. In that process, we have been able to experience happiness for others when they are blessed with children...but it has not been without work, time and the mostly the help of our Father in Heaven to be where we are now.
To those who are struggling with infertility, hang in there. You truly will feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster (at times it will seem like a crappy old roller coaster that may fall apart at any time and a creepy carnie spit on the seat before you sat down.) But I promise, the dips just make the rise all the better.
I realized recently that as a coping method, I had fought the feelings of longing that I have when I see babies (or baby stuff) or think about being a mother. For a while I just chose to ignore those thoughts because of the subsequent aching that occurred. I am only in the beginning stages of our adoption story but it has already been a balm to me. I am able to feel excited and let myself experience longing for motherhood without reservation because I am on my road to being a mother.
Infertility is such roller coaster. I am proud of myself because of how far I've come. At the beginning of my marriage, my sister Amber had called me to tell me that she was pregnant. I was at work and as soon as she told me, I broke into tears and had to go outside for some privacy. I don't know why I cried. I wasn't unhappy for her. I surely wanted her to have her family. My response was such a surprise to me. My sweet sister has been so tender to me in respect to my infertility and when she called me that day, she was more concerned with my feelings than her exciting news. Thankfully Amber is an angel and didn't get offended by my extremely emotional response. But that experience was just a stepping stone in the process of accepting my infertility. David and I have had to grieve because of the loss that we have felt. In that process, we have been able to experience happiness for others when they are blessed with children...but it has not been without work, time and the mostly the help of our Father in Heaven to be where we are now.
To those who are struggling with infertility, hang in there. You truly will feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster (at times it will seem like a crappy old roller coaster that may fall apart at any time and a creepy carnie spit on the seat before you sat down.) But I promise, the dips just make the rise all the better.
Friday, April 20, 2012
She's built like a steakhouse, but handles like a bistro
Our home is officially safe for babies! Our home evaluation and last interview are done! We should be certified in a couple of weeks and then its full force to find our baby! We felt like celebrating afterwards so we went to do one of our favorite things: thrift store shopping. It may seem odd but we LOVE to go to find second hand treasures. So after buying a super cute old crate, we went to my parent's house for my little brother Ammon's 13th birthday.
Ammon and I have a special relationship. When he was a toddler, I was able to care for him quite a lot and make him happy when others couldn't. He would sleep in my bed with me often up until I got married. I would wake up and he would be cuddled next to me. I wouldn't know when he got there, but I was never surprised to see him. I loved to cuddle him and so enjoyed our special time together. On one special night, I woke up because he was talking in his sleep (he was probably 3 and I was 18 or so at the time). He said something I didn't understand so I said "what?" with a smile because I thought it was so cute that he was muttering in his sleep. With his eyes still closed he then said "God is watching over my family". The next morning I told my mom about the experience and she teared up. She said she had felt especially stressed at the time and needed to hear a confirmation of our Heavenly Father's watch care. What a sweet, tender mercy that we received through my sweet Ammon. Now he is getting so handsome and tall and grown up but he still has the same tender spirit as that 3 year old. He is so quick to give hugs and help when needed.
I love all of my siblings so dearly. I am so grateful to have been blessed with my strong, humongous family! By the way, the title of this post has nothing to do with anything. I just heard it on a show and thought it was hilarious.
Ammon and I have a special relationship. When he was a toddler, I was able to care for him quite a lot and make him happy when others couldn't. He would sleep in my bed with me often up until I got married. I would wake up and he would be cuddled next to me. I wouldn't know when he got there, but I was never surprised to see him. I loved to cuddle him and so enjoyed our special time together. On one special night, I woke up because he was talking in his sleep (he was probably 3 and I was 18 or so at the time). He said something I didn't understand so I said "what?" with a smile because I thought it was so cute that he was muttering in his sleep. With his eyes still closed he then said "God is watching over my family". The next morning I told my mom about the experience and she teared up. She said she had felt especially stressed at the time and needed to hear a confirmation of our Heavenly Father's watch care. What a sweet, tender mercy that we received through my sweet Ammon. Now he is getting so handsome and tall and grown up but he still has the same tender spirit as that 3 year old. He is so quick to give hugs and help when needed.
I love all of my siblings so dearly. I am so grateful to have been blessed with my strong, humongous family! By the way, the title of this post has nothing to do with anything. I just heard it on a show and thought it was hilarious.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Making Progress
Oh how wonderful to have the mountain of paperwork to get certified behind us! So here is our status. Monstrously colossal pile of paperwork (of which made me want to cry at first)...check! Individual interviews...check! Adoption Academy...one big fat check! Our home evaluation and couple interview is scheduled for Thursday then our application is off to the courts to get certified. Apparently we're very lucky because our county is pretty quick on the return. So, we could be certified in two weeks!! Then our profile will go up on itsaboutlove.org and we will start flooding every body's email with our fliers. Just get ready to help us find our baby and birth family.
Yesterday we attended the adoption academy in Mesa. It was cold and rainy as we went into the church building it was held at. Somehow that made the day even better. I love the rain. Anyway, there were probably about 15 other couples in attendance and we heard from other adoptive couples, an adoption attorney, and some birth mothers. It was so wonderful. I especially loved hearing from the birth mothers. What amazing women. I can't wait to meet our birth mother and to be able to witness that unselfish love first hand.
Well, I need to prepare my primary lesson and maybe take a nap before church (I woke up at 3:00 this morning and I don't know why because I LOVE my sleep.) Tune in later to find out what happens to little Bonnie and David at their home evaluation!
Yesterday we attended the adoption academy in Mesa. It was cold and rainy as we went into the church building it was held at. Somehow that made the day even better. I love the rain. Anyway, there were probably about 15 other couples in attendance and we heard from other adoptive couples, an adoption attorney, and some birth mothers. It was so wonderful. I especially loved hearing from the birth mothers. What amazing women. I can't wait to meet our birth mother and to be able to witness that unselfish love first hand.
Well, I need to prepare my primary lesson and maybe take a nap before church (I woke up at 3:00 this morning and I don't know why because I LOVE my sleep.) Tune in later to find out what happens to little Bonnie and David at their home evaluation!
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