Where is the fast forward button?

I just want to fast forward life! I'm so super excited to adopt. I have been looking at baby stuff online like crazy. And I am going to do a baby registry soon because darn it, I have been waiting eight flipping years!

I realized recently that as a coping method, I had fought the feelings of longing that I have when I see babies (or baby stuff) or think about being a mother. For a while I just chose to ignore those thoughts because of the subsequent aching that occurred. I am only in the beginning stages of our adoption story but it has already been a balm to me. I am able to feel excited and let myself experience longing for motherhood without reservation because I am on my road to being a mother.

Infertility is such roller coaster. I am proud of myself because of how far I've come. At the beginning of my marriage, my sister Amber had called me to tell me that she was pregnant. I was at work and as soon as she told me, I broke into tears and had to go outside for some privacy. I don't know why I cried. I wasn't unhappy for her. I surely wanted her to have her family. My response was such a surprise to me. My sweet sister has been so tender to me in respect to my infertility and when she called me that day, she was more concerned with my feelings than her exciting news. Thankfully Amber is an angel and didn't get offended by my extremely emotional response. But that experience was just a stepping stone in the process of accepting my infertility. David and I have had to grieve because of the loss that we have felt. In that process, we have been able to experience happiness for others when they are blessed with children...but it has not been without work, time and the mostly the help of our Father in Heaven to be where we are now.

To those who are struggling with infertility, hang in there. You truly will feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster (at times it will seem like a crappy old roller coaster that may fall apart at any time and a creepy carnie spit on the seat before you sat down.) But I promise, the dips just make the rise all the better.